I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize