Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
