When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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