If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Two words: blizzard sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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