you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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