I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
