i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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