I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
