He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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