After last night, I could never be a politician.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
