so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
