This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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