Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's shark week go big or go home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
