Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize