I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
