I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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