And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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