Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
