Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
