I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
