i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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