nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize