fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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