i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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