I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
