What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When are your genitals available?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
