I cannot find my penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
