Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your cock deserves a montage
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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