goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
