he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
