Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Your cock deserves a montage
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
