Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
