he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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