She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
