We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
