Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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