nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
