sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
