But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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