Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
