Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
