Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
