the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's always time for handjobs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
