as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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