woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
