do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
