just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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