Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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