I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
