I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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