Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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