Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
