The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize