My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
