Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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