wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
