I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
