Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
