just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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