She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
