It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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