Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to have your abortion
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
