so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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